Made For Me

I want to be selfish af this year.

I want to learn to be more selfish.

I’m very good at taking action when I feel the need to protect myself. But, I’m also a giver.

A lover girl. A host. A cook. A space maker.

There’s a reason why I thrived working in hospitality for so long. I loved the feeling of working my way through a crowd during the evening rush, managing to make a birthday girl feel good on her special day, while slinging happy hour nachos by the bucketful.

Whether it’s nature or nurture, a lifetime of social conditioning telling me that I am a woman thus I should, or some innate desire to connect and feed and put people at ease, the result is the same.

Too Much Of A Good Thing

I gave in my marriage until it chewed me up and spit me out, unrecognizable. Dulled down my true self to make myself easier to swallow for a particular brand of folks, to whom I would always be too Black and too fucking loud.

This year, I walked right up to the edge. I felt like I was going to fall off a cliff, giving entirely too much to projects like my book tour and crowdfunding a show for the culture. My body feels it. My skin shows it. And decision fatigue drove me to use Google’s flip a coin feature almost daily.

You see, it’s hard to hold yourself to actual, reasonable limits when you feel called to something, like I did with American Soul and Our Block.

Like when we were filming an episode of Our Block in Oakland… the director of the community organization I interviewed said, “oh I have something to show you…” and then walked me into a back room where my grandfather’s printing press sat in the corner. My grandpa, who I barely remember, had already touched that space long before I knew it existed.

Yes, I had shit to do this year and the universe wouldn’t let me forget it.

My Year Of Yes Is Over

My mom calls me a busybody. My sister a workaholic. My bff would say I need to cuss more people out. Bae just says I need to shut my fucking laptop at night.

I just know that 2025 was my year of yes for so many reasons.

But 2026 is my year of no. Or maybe, my year of me. I feel called to sit my ass down for a while and be selfish. Self interested. Shallow even in my desires. I truly believe life is cyclical, and it’s time for less give and more me.

For pleasure. For rest. For ease. For a schedule that’s just my own. For projects I take on just for me, not for the culture or because I should or because I have been taught to always work twice as hard as a Black woman, forever climbing towards some achievement.

And trust me, I know it sounds absolutely fucking ridiculous given the state of the world and our country… To say that now of all times I want to give less. But I ain’t got it.

So I’m committing to a selfish year as my birthday gift to myself. In work, in play, at home, I’m claiming rest as my resistance and my own desires as just enough.

Happy 35th birthday to me!

Sunshine in Vietnam for my birthday

In this spirit of reflection and planning to step into 2026 intentionally, I’m hosting my annual intention setting session on Sunday November 30th. I’ll lead you through my framework for getting clear on what I want my year and life to look like, and how I take steps to make it a reality. It’s also hosted virtually so you can join from anywhere.